Many of my years have been spent wandering.  In my mind, my soul, in location.  A seed being tossed about by the wind, rolled down steep banks and washed down streams.

I have moved 17 times since having started out on my own.  Many of my friendships have been seasonal and shallow.  At the first sign of confrontation or staleness, I bid my farewell and let the relationship smolder till it is cold.

I thrive on dreams and new visions.  Change fuels my fire.  We have moved many times simply because I feel antsy and have a desire for a new view and a new town.  A chance to start over.

In reading a blog recently by Rain, I was challenged to think of a word for this new year.  A word that captures my current desires.

The word ‘Rooted’ came to me.

To be rooted seems so scary to me.  I feel trapped and suffocated by the thought of commitment.  My marriage has been the longest thing I’ve committed to, and after 8 years I have learned something very valuable.  Change is the only certain thing.  My husband and I have both changed, grown and developed stronger opinions in some areas and switched sides in others.  And at times I feel overwhelmed by the weight of my commitment to this one person.  But my sense of honor overrides my fear and I stick to my vows.  I have learned so much because of that.

It is so important to ride out the storms.  On the other side of the raging wind and heated debates, the confrontation and colliding ideals is strength.  When you dedicate yourself to figuring it out and not fleeing, your true self is revealed to you.  And once having seen yourself raw and unfiltered, you know where your weaknesses lie.  You know what parts of you need growth.  You come out of the storm battered, but better for having been in it.

I need to grow.  I need to be challenged.  I am tired of starting over with new dreams and new people.  Never seeing things through makes life shallow.

In a few weeks Seth goes in for a new tattoo.  Because of an odd nerve disorder, my tattoo days are over, but I am thankful that Seth is open to being a canvas for us both.

On the peaks of cliffs and at the edge of the sand dunes on the Oregon Coast are some gnarled looking pines.  Wind blown and battered.  Roots exposed and limbs broken.  But the roots run long and tangled.  Gripping together for strength.  Holding tight to rock and soil they ride out the storms, face to the wind and harsh sea air.

These trees are my muse.  To be a person that sees out the storms knowing there is beauty on the other side, for myself and for the benefit to others.  I am excited to see how this picture works itself out in Seth’s new tattoo.  I’ll post pictures as soon as it is finished.

Are you rooted, or wandering?